Rebuilding our lives, that’s definitely something I never thought I’d have to write about.  Yet, it’s the daily topic in our lives at the moment.  This week makes a month since that terrible week in which we lost everything.

>Read about it here<

We have tried to cope as best we can. The kids and I seem to have cabin fever, but we try to manage. It seems that when the kids are at school, and the Husband is at work, that my emotions get the best of me. I am alone in the room, alone with my thoughts and my heart. The tears flow like the Niagra falls; and the feeling of failure sets in.

Today I realized that Christmas will be here in FIVE WEEKS, I had not cried this hard since the night I was watching our house go up in flames. Christmas, for ALL kids is supposed to be such a magical time; and it breaks my heart to see that my kids will be spending Christmas in a hotel.
Don’t get me wrong, I AM grateful that we have this luxury as opposed to living in a shelter or in a car; but it doesn’t mean it’s got to be easy on my heart.

On Monday, I was able to go inside the house for the first time since the fire, it was so emotional. The front room was where the fire started. It was also the room that had our “front room couches” in, the room that held the bikes the kids got for Christmas last year, the room that held all of our shoes, the kids outside toys, backpacks, and sports equipment. It was also the room that had the fooseball table that somehow held our backpacks and electronics. My iPad, 3 laptops, a camera; so many memories in them…
all gone.

My heart feels so empty and full at the same time, happy and sad; like if this was a song I was living. A dream I wish I could wake up from.  I have done everything I have been told to do: Go to Social Services, go to Churches, go to this Veteran’s organization, or that Veteran’s organization, go to community outreach programs, go here and there and stand on your head…
I’ve done it all and I have been turned away from every single one.
We are either too late for Holiday programs, or do not “permanently” live in this or that area, or we make $32 over the maximum allowed income for even emergency social services.  I am not at all feeling entitled, but I thought emergency services were exactly that; emergencies.  But no, all other guidelines apply, and we were rejected from every single one.

The helplessness as a Mother & Father to see our kids so sad about not being able to decorate for Christmas, about not being able to see their friends, or stay for after-school programs, or hear how much they miss their toys that they lost in the fire, or buy a real Christmas tree, or hear them ask is Santa visits hotels on Christmas.
Oh my gosh, to hear the bickering of being in such closed quarters, to see the kids having to sleep on a pull out couch and to feel for myself how much pain you wake up in the next morning from sleeping on such thing, lol.
To not be able to find a house immediately to rent because we don’t have the money for 1st/last month rent, deposit, broker fee; to not be able to just go buy a house because a down payment is no where to be reached; even if we do have the option of using a VA loan.

Our 14 y.o. Daughter made this list for us, and asked if at all possible, if we could please keep her in the same school because through all of the schools she had been to because of Daddy’s Military career; this was the first time she had ever met REAL FRIENDS… and the first time she had ever been to a school for a second year in a row.  Which obviously has made things a bit more difficult because we only have a certain area we can live in; but we owe her that much.  This little girl has literally started her life 7 times over for us.

Those feelings, those things, this situation I know is something we never thought we would have to go through; but we are here, and though I keep telling myself that I am grateful that we are all alive and safe (because I AM); it’s still so hard to see the silver lining.  Being humbled, being pride-less, being in a position where you are begging places to help you with charitable programs and being turned away is so hard, harder on my heart than anything else.

Friends have been trying to help by sharing our story,  Praying, suggesting programs were I should turn too, but sadly; we still need help; a lot of help.
So please, if you can; share our story.  
Share it through your Social Media channels, email it to your friends, or Family or co-workers and ask if they could please help share it; I am so hopeful that maybe one person will see it and be able to help us more than the next.  Maybe one person will share it with someone who has a life-line we can use.  Yes, I’m desperate, I am desperate because this situation has taken a toll on all of us, and because I am trying to do as much as I can possibly do in hopes that I can help give my children a magical Christmas.

Below are ALL of the places friends have suggested I sign up for
Please, if all you can help with is a dollar or a Prayer, we TRULY appreciate it from the bottom of our hearts.

I received a few emails that people did not want to use fundly, gofundme, or the paypal donate button because they take a fee from the donation; so I was asked to please give my paypal address so the money can be gifted to us. I appreciate the support with all my heart, the paypal address is:

[email protected]

Or paypal donate is:

Update: 11/17
I was asked to place this link below so people can help write to Ellen, she helps people who desperately need a car; and we desperately NEED one 😉
If you could PLEASE take a few minutes to tell her why you think we need one I would greatly appreciate it!!! 😉
You can include the link to our post in the submission so she can read our story… please 😉

Here are 2 more updates since then:

Our week: our car was totaled, our house broken into, our house caught on fire  https://www.militaryfamof8.com/our-week-our-car-was-totaled-our-house-broken-into-our-house-caught-on-fire/

Rising From the Ashes https://www.militaryfamof8.com/rising-from-the-ashes/